FEAR sucks. It’s scary and it stops up in our tracks. We can run from it, and most of us do, but we can’t hide from it. Not really. So I’ve decided that I want to share with you my biggest fear. And I am hoping that you will do the same. But more on that later.
‘The thing you fear the most is exactly the thing you need to face in order to become the person that your world needs from you to heal.’ In other words, your potential as the wonderful and amazing person you are has not been actualized when you live behind your FEAR.
We are all fearful at some point in our lives. Some people feel FEAR to such a degree that they are paralysed by it while some people face it head on, overcome it and then go about living their dreams.
What makes the people who face their fear so different from the rest of us?
They are not afraid of the FEAR. They instinctively know that when they are afraid their mind is telling them to pay attention. And so they do. I want to be one of these people.
I believe we can all learn how to do this, it’s just a matter of adjusting our self talk. And when you have faith that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel you can explore the valuable lessons it will show you.
My hope is that we discover that exploring FEAR can heal us in our relationships and in our lives and to show us just how awesome we really are.
So here’s my post about fear. I hope you enjoy it. And if you like, you can write your own post about a fear you have and add it to the linky list at the bottom of the post.
The thing I fear most is…‘I will never love myself enough to be happy.’
I’ve struggled with this statement most of my life, in fact, my definition of love in general is broken. I am constantly reminding myself that ‘you can’t love someone until you love yourself first’ but often find myself unsure of how exactly to do that.
There were many circumstances from my young life that caused me pain and affected my belief in myself. And while my way of adapting to the terrible things that happened resulted in a very negative self concept, it doesn’t have to be true now. The problem is that my mind is still stuck in a way of thinking from when I was about six years old. And when I was at that tender age, fear really took hold of my life.
Now that I am older and somewhat wiser, I know that the experiences I’ve had in my journey to today shaped me into the person I am. And although sometimes the pain I suffered was unbearable at times, I am still here and I am a better person for it.
I have a beautiful family and a wonderful life and when I look at it from that perspective I feel much better. But there’s still the fear that points to the experiences I suffered as a child. It still clouds my mind and overwhelms me when I am facing changes that are good, bad or otherwise. So here’s are two strategies I am working with.
How I am learning to conquer the fear of not loving myself enough to be happy
When I hear the swirling thoughts in my head that tell me I am unloveable…
- I listen for a few moments.
- I try to catch the hurtful phrases that have been playing over and over and have defined how I think about myself.
- Then I tell myself that I AM loveable.
- I tell myself that I CAN love myself enough to be happy.
The next strategy is a new one.
I believe that in order to heal the pain of feeling unloved for so many years I have to turn my attention to the little girl who resides in my thoughts. I am still learning how to do this but I pay homage to her by acknowledging how lost, abandoned and abused she was and I tell her that it’s okay to cry and to feel the pain.
When she’s ready to hear it, I tell her she is safe and that there’s no one left to hurt her. I tell her she is surrounded by people who love her for who she is.
When I practice these strategies I always feel a tightness in my chest that I know is the pain. But I repeat these exercises a few times until the tightness lifts and I can breathe without restriction. And then I take a deep breath and let the sadness fade away. Sometimes, it lingers but that’s ok.
When this doesn’t work, I often turn to meditation to calm my thoughts. But often I think that maybe I am just too broken.
Why we need to embrace FEAR
I am 47 years old and feel it sometimes, but when I feel that pain in my chest and in my heart I am 6 years old again. I try to remind myself that the 6 year old girl that still resides in me did not put those self-defeating thoughts in my head. She wasn’t strong enough in her own mind to have faith in herself back then. When I remind myself that I am a work in progress I can choose to believe that I can create a new story for her.
I need to embrace the FEAR for her, so she can be free.
‘Don’t hold your awesomeness back from the world. It needs you to shine that light and show it the way.’
Thank you for reading. Have you written a post about fear in your life? Would you like to?
I’d love to publish it here on the blog. Shoot me an email! Leeanne@momparadigm.com.